Chatty Kathy

I know every now-and-then we are all guilty of chatting away with friends for a few minutes on the phone while at this place we call "a paycheck every two weeks"...

HOWEVER, you know you are really taking advantage of The Man, when I can tabulate 6 calls of approximately 10 minutes in length per day....and one of which your stupid a$$ boyfriend left you on hold for 9 of those 10 minutes.

Do you, Chatty Kathy, actually feel the need to vent your current relationship woes loud enough for the entire Northern Hemisphere to hear? Because if I were you I'd be mortally embarrassed that my boyfriend's car always breaks down and you need to actually leave work to go pick his broke a$$ up....for the second time this week.

Or, that your boyfriend is so lame that you have to reprimand him when he doesn't "complete his school project" (pedophile, you ask? I've pondered...but I think he's at least out of high school). How do you reprimand him? Last convo I UNWILLINGLY heard was that you were NOT going to be able to pick him up on your way to the gym tonight....tisk, tisk lame boyfriend...she really showed you, didn't she!?! I'm sure you'll never be a lamea$$ again....

Oh, wait, what's that Chatty Kathy? You just had to ask your dad what that "sticky thing on [your] license plate was?" Oh, Chatty Kathy, you mean the registration sticker...like that, like thing, that like you have to like renew every year.

BTW: stop clearing your f*cking throat. You got your two sick days two weeks ago, so by my calculation....and my expert medical knowledge...you should be NOT sick by now.

Also, when you decide that your mother is just flat out "so annoying" and you are yelling at her for not wanting to drive 25 minutes to your house just because you "feel like wearing that tan jacket, that is thinner then your pea coat," (sidenote: I'm just going to go out on a limb here, but if that is the worst thing that happens to you today...you're living pretty good) I suggest you take you skinny a$$ into the conference room.

Or..... (wait for it) .......GO HOME AT LUNCH AND GET ALL YOUR PERSONAL CONVERSATIONS OVER WITH...especially those extra-long calls you always take at work, during which you catch up with college chums who you are like going to like party with this weekend. GO TEAM!

College may have just ended for you, and I know the real world is really scary (whaaah!) but once you start paying your own bills, actually doing something productive for this company, & find a boyfriend that can buy you a glass of wine after a long day at the office...without a fake ID....let me know, then I'll take out my earplugs and actually pay you some mind.

Until then.....I hope you get laryngitis, then what would you do all day? Work!??! HA!